Quite a lot of it really, as I met my TF in 1982 and remained oblivious as to the nature of the life sentence until reuniting - briefly - in 2014.
Since then I've learned a lot; about the relationship, about myself and about this peculiar journey shared by so many yet so few. It seems that the TF situation is an uncommon kind of love, and that it sets traps and trials of distinction for those entangled in it to learn how to move through. Here are seven such traps. Bear in mind this is my own take on things - you're welcome to your opinion, and if you wish, to share it here!
1) I can't let someone treat me this way.
Well, you're not going to get roses from your TF.
You're going to get lessons.
Some of them you will find excruciatingly hard to handle,
and some will make simplistic sense with the benefit of hindsight.
How people treat us is their problem, not ours. How we treat others is our problem. Mirrors being what they are, it's sometimes hard to tell how we're really treating someone as we become fixated on how they are behaving while blindly ignoring what we ourselves are doing, saying and thinking. For what we think, as the TF journey will assuredly show you, is very far from a private thing.
To list some of the things that are likely to qualify under this section:
- Running out on you without explanation
- Ghosting (leaving you alone in 'silence' - more on that later)
- Renting space for free in your head (all day)
- Pushing buttons
2) I can't waste my life like this.
So don't. Again, up to others what they do with their lives. Certainly it's a waste of time worrying about what your TF is doing with theirs, for unless you are 'in union' (which for TFs is very difficult as they tend to blow each other to bits rather quickly on contact) you will be living separate existences.
Bear in mind that while you are thinking to yourself, "I'm wasting my life," a lot of things will transpire around you to provide evidence for this perspective. Fill your time with things that matter and more things that matter will come along for you to fill your time with.
3) I'm worth so much more
Find your worth and multiply it by x10. We all go through this one as soon as we're run out on/ghosted/played. Your worth is not some kind of carat definition imposed upon you by someone else, it's a self-determined feeling which the Universe backs up. Feeling worthless will leave you depressed, and a lot of things will transpire to help you stay there. Eventually (and I use this word advisedly because everyone's pace is different and I'm not at all sure we choose the pace for ourselves) you will find that confidence grows you out of this phase and leaves you feeling strangely stronger. If you are still at the stage of crying yourself to sleep every night, you might find this concept hard to swallow but trust me, you'll be okay.
Okay, if you want to.
A few things to bear in mind....
The natural reaction of a runner is to run straight into another pair of arms for comparative safety. Be aware of what you're doing, though, if you have any compassion for others (and you can't qualify as a TF unless you do), for the other party (often known as your 'karmic partner') will be oblivious to what's going on inside you unless you tell them. Many people can work with honesty these days, and it's better to be straight with someone than deceptive, for lies will always carry a trail of destruction along with them. If coming clean is more than you can handle, try at least to carve a path that allows for honest outcomes. If you bypass this protection system, you may end up back at Point 3, cut yourself to ribbons on Point 2 and find yourself doing all the things listed in Point 1.
5) This will all go away in the end
No. It won't. You only have one TF situation in your life, and this is one that will change many times, take you through many phases of development, and throw you many tests. But it won't die. What you feel for that person is indelibly carved into your soul and hoping it will disappear is like hoping your heart will stop beating. In fact if you hold tightly to the vain hope that this is all going to go away, you might end up with more stress than you can safely handle and absolutely nothing to show for it.
Silence can be crippling in the first flush of separation and if you're lucky, you'll be prepared for it. But silence doesn't mean the connection is dead the other end. It could mean all kinds of things, and I'm not going into second-guessing anyone else's thought track here, but it's likely that the other person doesn't know what else to do and is themselves thinking as hard as they possibly can, "This will all go away in the end," while constantly thinking about you.
6) The Law of Attraction will bring them back
Cosmic ordering isn't something you order from the Universe. If you are destined to have something, it will come to you, but not ever exactly as you expect it (due to the Uncertainty Principle, any vision you hold in your mind has to be different once it finds it way into your reality).
Remember this is not a fairy tale, although it has to be said that fairy tales are based on just such kinds of love as you're experiencing now and yes, you will sleep for a thousand years until that kiss wakes you up. Yes, you will lose your shoes (and probably your socks) along the way and there's every likelihood that letting your hair down is going to do you a lot of good. You will meet people pretending to be what they are not and in the end, you will find something to smile about.
The truth about TF - uncomfortable though it may seem - is that the connection can't be broken. You will always be bonded in some way or another. This pitfall is born of wanting more than you already have, and that's a spiral that can have you running in circles looking for the next piece of fulfillment all your life. Part of the lesson lies in dropping this habit to make way for more productive things, like getting your motivation back. This pitfall is timewasting and will cause you to swing from Point 5 to Points 3 and 2 before you end up considering a blind leap into Point 4.
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Yes, they do. Being careful what you wish for is by this point absolutely pointless advice, for you already have what you wanted right at the start, when you first locked eyes with that person, when the message pumping into your heart was read out to your mind in stereo and labelled in Bold Type, never to be forgotten, for all time.
Where you go with your journey is up to you, but you can be sure there will be boundaries to look after, reviews to manage and tricks to see through along the way. Life is never easy, not for anyone, but if you have a TF journey to contend with, you can be sure it'll be interesting.