"What are you going to do?" asked a small voice in my mind as I turned on the computer. It meant to ask what I was going to write, for I already held the intention of writing this, but I knew what it meant anyway.
So my mind answered in a voice of my own, "I don't know, it'll come to me."
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Hermione had said this, somewhere in Harry Potter* which we'd been watching all week. For the record I've seen Dracula more times than could possibly be counted unless I was counting which I wasn't, and nor did I notice the pun until on the second writing of "Count" - but it's been a long time since I last saw that film. Made in 1992 before many things were even born, Gary Oldman is now hailed as "one of the greatest actors who ever lived" with very good cause. His blockbuster status has, I hope, not changed the man revealed in some depth by the making of that movie. When we're young, we just run, until in time something of our strength allows us to stand still for long enough to take stock.

* Looking for a Harry Potter link, I stumbled across the one you're led to, just two days old,
​citing Durham Cathedral (significant to me!) and a Government review - muggles take heart! Magic is upon us....

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​The line "I don't know, It'll come to me," was also softly spoken by the lovely Linda Kozlowski, departing the clutches of sleazy Richard to chase the man she would marry in real life down the subway stairs in bare feet.

I'll resist further Hollywood forays, for fear of venturing too far from the plot.

For when I came here this morning, my mind wasn't on films, it was sailing close to the winds it often surfs these days as my efforts to keep it in check simultaneously succeed and fail, for even though I may sound like an old hand when using the alphabet, the twists and turns of life hold surprises that pull you back sharply into another learning curve from time to time. Not one to blow trumpets too loudly, I've been at this for a while now, this strange skimming of quantum soup from which bubbles, now and then, a revelationary moment of magical persuasion. Last night there came an understanding, of sorts, achieved by means beyond mortal control, as these things often are... an understanding of the power of thought and what it can do, and here this morning writing this, the words of Voldemort come to mind:
"There is only power, and those too weak to seek it."
Now, I find that line a little puzzling, for he said "seek it," rather than "use it," but never mind, the authors had their own ideas. (Comments welcome....!) To seek power is a dangerous thing, to my way of thinking, for we can swiftly form an illusion of ownership when power dips a hand in the thought process. Backstage I take no credit for writing Quantumology - it wrote itself, with the help of others who've demonstrated their powers very satisfactorily to me, and whom I won't be forsaking when the time comes for admissions. Somewhere in the haze of futuristic probability, there may be a calling to confess. 

For now, though, the last day of 2017 falls upon us, and our thoughts are with you, ones who are loved, ones who live and ones who have lived, ones we fear to love and ones we love to fear, all singularities in whom we have faith and in whom we see shortfalls of our own making, for it is plain to see that we have only our own perspective from which to judge the world of perspectives, our pixel in the kaleidoscopic plan being what it is - a subatomically small piece of a gigantic jigsaw.

No accident can there be in living Now, as we are in this moment, our age determining only the amount of information we have collected on the way, the sands of our time shifted by forces greater than our own while our chosen perspectives made the music subtly soothing, stark and challenging, light and playful, tumultuous only to tumble into something gently evocative, for Ron was right, and yes I thought hard about the placement, but life is a kind of music. While we breathe, the conductor never sleeps.

​Thought is power in itself, so be not under the illusion that your thoughts are inconsequential, or private, or meaningless. We cling to these preconceptions - I certainly have spent time excusing myself for those I'd rather not have along these very lines, assuming it doesn't matter, that somehow I can recall them, that they have no impact anyway. But when you find yourself cross-referencing the thoughts of another, and then find in the matrix the messages intended for you (er... when the time is right, mind, and not before), you may be moved to take care of them, those thoughts, and consider your friends - those friends inside you, the ones who never left. And the friends who seemed to leave, but never did. Blame is just Lame with a big B at the front to bolster it, and Guilt is just Guile gilt-edged with a T to make it look sharp. Our gremlins may play games with our minds, but even in the games there is an understated kinship, a call to find the codes in the languages we speak, to unravel the mysteries of our own making in doing the things we do. Back then, where the last link was written, perhaps the field was less positive than perhaps it may be now. Back then, I didn't know what I was about to find - another story on unwritten lines. My beautiful daughters born to musical gifts are about to embark on their greatest adventures, and last night they paved the way for a new year of powerful resolutions.

Look after your thoughts in the year ahead. Certainly, despite inevitable uncertainty, I intend to take better care of mine. We all have good reason to use these powers well, for the greater good, for the benefit to bring forth, for the things that matter most. Love matters most, even if/when we don't really know what it is, and the things we fear by virtue of polarity matter too, only differently, for their solidarity is transient - the dark illusions conjured by gremlins to make us think the worst before we do the least.

Should you find yourself in a weaker moment wondering what it's all for, strength comes hot on the heels of new emotion. Logic comes from transformation. 2018 is calling for change. Let's go and make it so,

Winter Solstice is here, the longest darkness of the year, for us in this part of the world. As this moment turns the hand of seasons back towards a new spring, the celebrations long past preceding the festivities we're about to enjoy would have been of a different kind. More in keeping, perhaps, with a reverence for the planet in an absence of commerce alien to us now. What would have happened in the sacred places where standing stones still mark the sites are as much guesswork as is the New Physics about to dawn from data at the LHC.
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Our Sun sends zillions of neutrinos out across the solar system on a continuous basis, neutrinos which pass through us all the time (and everything else), except on the rare occasion of their colliding with something. That they collide with anything at all is a relatively new discovery, but since it was found that they do, countless trillions in currency have been poured into finding out more about them. One major finding in recent years has been that they change from one form to another. They disappear and re-appear as something else - another kind of neutrino altogether. Scientists call this 'oscillation', but it's more than just the tracking of a wave form. Oscillation, for a neutrino, means dying to one kind of life and being reborn to another.

Quarks do this too. Atoms are made of protons, neutrons and electrons - the protons and neutrons are made of quarks. No-one is quite sure what an electron is, although evidence increasingly points to it being a packet of energy rather than a particle. More solid stuff, the nucleus of the atom, is comprised of positively-charged and neutral material, the proton and neutron respectively, and the quarks which make them up are also changing from one form to another all the time.  Thanks, that is, to Gluons.

When we are born, our quarks are already changing. As we grow, our DNA changes also. Research has found that our DNA continues to change throughout our lives, and that the length of our telomeres - the ends of DNA strands - correspond to our state of health. So while we are altering our DNA, and our quarks are doing their thing in spinning from one 'flavour' to another, those neutrinos are flashing through us at something around the speed of light to make an interesting equation that science hasn't really stepped up to look at just yet.

That stunts the growth of new developments which could mean a lot to those of us who would like to know what all this really means to our modes of living. What our thoughts really are, for instance, and how they are transmitted, for many readers will have experienced (as I have) ample evidence of communication that transcends technology. How we instinctively know things - what does it mean to trust our gut? Finding neuron networks in the heart may have helped to answer this question, but it hasn't told the whole story sufficiently for us to understand the mechanics.

The quantum world is stuffed with answers to questions yet to be asked of a picture as beautiful as it's true, and those quarks I keep talking about - Beauty and Truth - will claim their rightful names again with due reverence.
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​That's my prediction, anyway. And I'm still holding out for the Petrino.

Having written a post on Facebook that received 26 Likes in 12 hours, the matter of Darkness springs to mind as worth exploring here; an aspect of life touching us all, one way or another, and there are misconceptions about it which can prove disturbing - for some, they can appear to be downright dangerous. The post had a purpose of its own, a singularity perhaps, but it hit home for many others too, so therein lies a small, sweet lesson - nothing we experience need ever go to waste.

Darkness, a feature of the Universe, in scientific terms is a source of great mystery, for not only can it not be seen, it can't be identified either. Dark Matter makes a startling proportion of everything that exists, and yet it slips the net of observation every time, In a strange paradox, Darknesses of Mind are equally hard to fathom. (In the article linked, you'll find an interesting take on this.) Hard to identify, they fleetingly take hold and when they are gone, we wonder at their foundation. In feeling bright, gloom disappears. Nor is there much to explain why these transitions take place; as 'the blues' shout reasons for being there, in the same instant we can be telling ourselves all the reasons why we shouldn't be feeling this way.
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To suggest there is clarity in darkness might seem absurd - as the comment on the Facebook post suggests, the rendition of a story and its everlasting consequences can look pretty depressing. But a 'depression' is a pressing in, a hollow, a weather front of low pressure; many things using the word 'depression' are ambivalent, yet hint at the same construct - a concavity, an undertow, the 'down' to balance the 'up'. Without one the other can't exist, and the ups and downs of life are common to everyone, so why do we shy from the concave and seek only the convex?   

In an enlightening Light, we see things from a positive perspective. In the darkest of thoughts, our perspective is negative. We live in a Universe (or an area of the Universe) dominated by negative Electrons, whose positive counterparts Positrons are annihilated as soon as they appear. In their annihilation, energy is produced, which leads me to believe that in the flux of our mental states, we orchestrate a balance between electrons and positrons all the time. In my early days of quantum investigation, I wondered why people are drawn towards cynicism, depression, anxiety... all kinds of negative mental states which sometimes even cost lives. When I found out about electron/positron annihilation, and the amount of energy expended in its process, I realised that feelings of joy, happiness and ecstasy come with a lot of energy we can use to good effect, while their negative opposites wear us out, leaving us 'feeling drained' and infecting others in contact to feel the same, hence the use of the term 'vampire' often used in this context. 
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Clear and present danger in negativity is there - we don't especially like to entertain it. While we busy ourselves in finding ways to circumvent Darkness, we do our best to find ones that work. No matter what we do, we can't avoid depression completely, and we've heard tell it's good to consider the root of a problem, to find a route to the root before setting off for a solution. Inevitably, we're going to find a root in ourselves, whether it's in a habit we haven't yet broken or a piece of our ancient history we haven't yet given time to dwelling on.

Take no notice of those who tell you not to dwell. Go dwell. Dwell for as long as it takes - 'Dwell' isn't a bad word. When you've done dwelling, you'll find in the time taken to dwell (which might have seemed fruitless at the time), while answers have been rising to the surface and breaking into your thoughts like bubbles, the solutions have been riding along in the undertow waiting to find you.

Clarity comes in waves, to be muddied by emotions we don't necessarily want. But we need a dark/light balance, otherwise we are held fast by the illusions of one to the other - tricks of the light are as powerful as traps of blackness. Gems are in the Dark, gems of understanding and information. Sometimes it takes a mirror, someone else to see it for us, or something to happen that reflects the truth of our personal mysteries, before we can safely say we've cracked it. But when we do, we discover self-reliance. The energy of discovery lifts us above the tempest of need, attachment, loss and sorrow, all of which come down to an emptiness in the Self, and where an electron finds a well, it'll fill it with probability. 

Trust those positrons, trust yourself, and trust that the way forward will come along when it's ready. when you've dwelt on it enough and given it time to mature. Where there is trust, there is Love, and where Love fills the spaces, those electrons may do their best.... but even in so doing, the energy from their collisions is a natural part of life's refuelling process, so the fear that accompanies the darkness of negativity can only hold for so long once Beauty and Truth are given their rightful places at the helm of whatever comes next.

To most people, Quetzal is a bird. A rare and very beautiful bird synonymous with Mayan culture. The assignation of Quetzalcoatl, revered god of tribal systems. To me, Quetzal is a synonym for a person. Someone I wrote a whole CD of songs about. Unashamedly.

I say 'unashamedly' not because this person is anything like a god - he stepped down from any pedestals a long time ago. But because he is my Twin Flame, and as such the journey we have travelled may or may not lead to us meeting again. Irrespective of this, it has been worth it. You are most likely to be reading this if you are yourself among the Twin Flame collective, for I am selective about where I post this kind of material.  You will therefore by definition understand much of this post while other people would be most bemused by it and probably be inclined to think all kinds of things I would rather they didn't. Such is the price of putting your story out there for others to gain from. 

We met when I was barely scratching the surface of adulthood and he was about to embark on a new phase of life. Throughout the entire 32 years that followed our inauguration, I never once forgot nor underestimated what Q had meant to me. Though I moved away from the town we lived in (largely to escape the implications) I had to return to it regularly for family reasons, and whenever I did, I would be looking out for him in the street and wondering if I would ever be with him again. Every ten years or so I'd knock on his door with a pretext for saying hello. In 2014 my pretext was Quantumology, which had just been published. And Q, to my amazement, wasn't married any more. He invited me in.

During the next few months I discovered that the torch I'd been carrying was mutual. I'd never heard of 'twin flames' until a friend suggested in 2016 that I might be experiencing this phenomenon. So having found myself kicked back out of Q's life the year before and unceremoniously ghosted whilst being held fast, the bewilderment I was feeling managed to turn slowly to an understanding of sorts. It took a while to assimilate the bucketfuls of information I was being presented with and to hold my emotions together in any viable state at the same time. I thank my karmic partner and my family for their support during the worst of it (although they may not find themselves reading this).

Now, I'm not going to make light of this process. I'm not ever, ever going to tell anyone that it's easy to get from A to B in a twinflame situation. But I can assure you that if you are a TF, there will only ever be one love like this, and as such, hard as it may seem to be an acceptable thing, you cannot escape it. In the absence of a way out, you are left with no choice but to accept it for what it is, and once you have got over the battles raging inside your mind and put down the razors tearing at your heart (which you will do in time, even if you're staring at the blades right now and it seems like the pain is eternal), you'll find there to be a gift in the mix which you might not have expected.

Now I've counted myself as something of a spiritual person all my life, and spent a long time studying quantum mechanics, but I wasn't prepared in the slightest for what this relationship would turn into. The revelations to come would show me that without this connection. I would not have been introduced to quantum physics in the first place, and my life path would have been very different. So would I choose otherwise? Not now, no. Trust me, I've cried the rivers you may well be familiar with and I've thought of death as friendly deliverance. But in the process of all this pain, I was being forced to get used to a phenomenon which some of you will also have encountered. I call these phenomena 'rushes'.

They are physical sensations. At first, they'd manifest during our real-time connections - I joked with him once that I could feel his electrons. Now, I'm not sure of the quantum mechanical actuality of what it is that I feel, but I know it's felt when we connect, I know it's non-local, and I know that this is the one sure sign we have that the relationship has shifted from the 3D state into whatever dimension it was supposed to be in all along. (Many in the TwinFlame community refer to 5D transition.) How did this shift take place?

I'd been through the battlefield, and it wasn't pretty. And while in the midst of it, even though these sweet sensations of tingling, rushing warmth coursing through my body would assure me our thoughts had crossed, it made no difference because I was fixated on loss, and unable to divorce from attachment. I was still thinking in the old paradigms of social expectation, wherein you refuse to forgive one who 'treats you so badly' and you play tit-for-tat in your head with a pain you cannot explain.  
Eventually, you may come to a place in your mind which refutes the traditional paradigm and insists that you put something new on the table. (If you don't reach this point, and you sever the connection altogether, good luck with that if you're a TF - if you're not in a TF situation after all, it's the best thing to do in any case. ) Once there, it's up to you what your table should look like. For me, it was a decision that we were going to be friends. Whatever happened, I decided that we were going to be friends. Leaving the old cake out in the rain was a tough step to take, given the historic ingredients, but I made a resolve that this was how it should be. Within 48 hours of making this decision, my car found itself right behind his and the first acknowledgement in three years was exchanged. I did not choose the timing of our cars passing in daylight. Nor did he.

That is the point. You cannot choose any of this - not the timing, nor the ingredients, or perhaps even the decisions you think you are making for yourself. There is no single answer to the questions you are having to face, but there is a generic thread in the collective which allows us to recognise each other. We know who we are. And if you are a genuine TF who has stood the test of time and manifested sufficient proof from the Universe that there is a reason for all this (even if we're still unsure as to what that reason actually is), you can relax in knowing that you're not alone. You'll know when you know, and not a moment before. And when you know that this love is the one, the only one, that could ever have branded your soul with eternal fire, you will have the powerful feeling that there's enough love in you to be doing something useful with it. There are many things we have to learn on this most remarkable of journeys, and how to handle the energy of Love is a lesson of paramount importance. There is way too much fear in this world, and something tells me we're on this track to show what can be done to circumvent it.

Get your preview of the Quetzal tracks here on Soundcloud. 'Waiting Game' is my personal favourite.
Thanks to Claudia Avendaño for the Quetzal image. In return for its publication I donate to the Guatemala Bird Research she works with.